Be prepared or don't bother
What I’ve noticed about myself in this role and this industry as who I am as a person is my constant drive to better myself. To better my business, to move me towards what I want in my business, and that means learning, continued education and upskilling. It means surrounding myself in a community, whether that be in person or online, that lifts me higher.
And there have been a few instances I’ve noticed over the years where people want to work with me and they’re not prepared. And honestly, that frustrates me.
Let’s start with client work
People will book a discovery call and show up completely unprepared. They haven’t taken time to actually reflect on what their problems are or what they want out of the work. They haven’t done any research, they’ve literally just seen the words sex coach and book a call.
And so now when we’re on the call, they don’t have the answers to the questions I need. Because they haven’t taken the time to reflect deeper. And that is a time waster for me, because now we’re spending time trying to figure out what your problem is instead of getting to whether I can actually help you. And now they don’t need to have all the words. But there needs to be some level of preparedness.
And then there’s the brands
I’ve had sex toy companies reach out to me with an invitation for collaboration. And when we actually sit down to chat, it turns out what they’re really looking for is a social media manager. They’re asking me if, “oh, I can just write a few posts, promote their toys”, and it’s like, “this is the stuff I barely have time to do for myself, so why would I do it for you?” And then they’ll reveal, “oh, well actually this is my partner’s company and we’re just trying to la la la.” And I’m like, “No. Come to me with a real offer that I can respond to.”
And so I’ll say, “look, I’m not available for social media work, but I would be open to a referral or an affiliate model.” And they’ll say, “yeah, yeah, let us know if you wanna do that.” And I’m like, “no, you come up with an affiliate offer and show me what it is, and then I’ll tell you if I’m interested.”
Passion projects are not enough
I’ve had friends and peers in similar fields also invite me into collaboration. And when we finally get into a real conversation, I find out that the other people involved aren’t prepared at all. It’s a passion project. Someone wanting to commodify their own experience without real world skill, and expecting to rely completely on my lived experience to give it shape.
And here’s what I’ve realized, especially over the last year. I know my why. I know why I do what I do. I know my ethos. I know my integrity. I know my values. I know what duty of care means to me in this field. I know what it takes to be trauma informed and client led. I’ve worked hard to build this body of work, so when someone comes to me unprepared, yeah, it pisses me off.
I’m not going to be the one dragging your arse along if I’m going to be working with anyone, clients, peers, brands, you need to be standing on your own two feet. You need to have experience. Have the awareness and a proven method. That whatever it is that you are offering, there needs to be an alignment, a shared vision that we’re both contributing to, and that lifts us up both.
Your lack of prep is not my responsibility
If that’s not there, I’m not interested. Because for a long time, especially from my experience from working in the super yacht industry for over a decade, I have a very high discernment around who I refer, who I back, and who I attach my name to. Reputation is everything, especially in the field of sexuality.
So come prepared or don’t come at all.
If this has gotten you revved up just like I have, you might wanna stick around for the paid post, which is where I will reveal more about what being prepared actually looks like. I’ll see you there.