Everyone wants Tantric sex. No one wants to train for it.
So today I want to talk about the idea of blending Taoist and Tantric perspectives with modern day understandings of arousal and engorgement so that we can address some of this mysticism in a grounded and accessible state.
Yin and Yang, not Masculine and Feminine
Now where I am these days in my practice, I don’t really favor using the terms masculine or feminine in terms of energies these days, because they can be misinterpreted to mean something gendered. Which isn’t what I wanna go in today.
But I do love the Taoist framing which uses the energies of yin and yang, water and fire. It’s very elemental, it’s something that we can all relate to. We all have these elements of earth, air, fire, water, ether, but particularly in this Taoist framing we’re gonna focus on the yin and the yang.
The Spiral of Yin
So from the Taoist lens the idea that vulva owners are often more yin, that means water, that means the moon, that sensuality that is slow to rise. Arousal isn’t linear. And in fact, when we look at how do we activate those yin energies, there is a spiral activation meaning spiraling from the outer to the inner, from the extremities, the hands, the feet, the head, and gently spiraling in closer, closer towards the center
and eventually around that heart and vulva area.
What this can look like in activating that erotic energy in the yin bodies is taking time
long, lingering touch, full body massages, melting into foreplay. That slowness we are just simmering in. And that’s what I want you to think about simmering.
You can imagine the yin eroticism like a big pot of water. And imagine you put this big pot of water on the stove and turn on the gas. Now it’s gonna take time for that water to rise to heat, but when it does that rolling boil keeps on going and that is the part of the pleasure.
The Quick Flame of Yang
On the other hand yang energy which is more associated with fire and has been associated with penis owners. Yang is fast. It burns hot. It’s a quick ignition. You can imagine this like the tick tick ticking of a gas flame. And the thing with a yang eroticism is that its spiral is from inner to outer, where it starts at the center with the genitals and it spreads out spiraling to the ends of the body.
Now for many penis owners once you touch the cock suddenly everything is open. The heart, the nervous system, everything’s open and humming hard right? Boom!
The thing is with the hard hot fire of yang, It burns out quickly right? It is like striking the match to the flame. It dissipates very quickly, so it burns hot, hard, and fast, and it’s over pretty quickly.
Everyone Wants It. Few Are Ready.
Keeping that in mind, this is where it gets juicy.
So many people say they want to learn tantric sex, have tantric sex, make love for hours and yet. They don’t actually know what that involves.
And what we’re really talking about here is discipline, erotic discipline, self-regulation, learning how to sustain your arousal instead of rushing to a climax.
And so this looks different for each energy,
For the yang, for the penis owners this is about not letting that fire blast off instantly.
It’s about learning how to contain and cycle and hold and expand that energy without tipping over.
And for the yin energy, for the vulva owner it is about being unapologetically slow and expansive. And giving yourself that full permission to spiral from the outside to the center, taking your time.
It is about that yang fast energy learning how to sustain over the time that the yin needs to reach that full rolling boil.
This Is Not About Positions
And so this isn’t about techniques what I’m gonna be talking about today.
It is about presence.
It is about practice and being responsible for your own turn on. This is where I wanna come back to those ancient practices.
Like people think that the Karma Sutra is all about different sexy positions which, you know there’s some great photos, but that’s not it at all.
It’s about learning how to cultivate eroticism and reverence.
I remember that there’s this beautiful part about learning how to trail different scented oils over different parts of the body so that as you are consuming each other,
you’re going on a journey and being drawn in.
It’s about waking up the aliveness through touch and not racing towards climax.
What Tantra Really Is
And if we strip it back even more at its core Tantra and Taoism are spiritual practices.
They are spiritual disciplines to either reach enlightenment or come into full balance
with the world and the universe beyond. In these traditions you are training by yourself for a very long time.
Sex has nothing to do with it.
You are learning how to train and build your energetic capacity to hold and cultivate more of your fire, more of your water with intention in an expansive state.
And now most modern interpretations have skipped all that. We want the hot fire, passionate sex but not the discipline.
When Energies Don’t Align
And when we bring a modern lens of what that could look like when it comes to partnered play, it could look like mis-syncing of bodies where one person may be moving faster, one person might need a little bit more time. Maybe both people are getting frustrated ‘cause one isn’t what you should they think you should be like.
Your Invitation
What I want to offer in this week’s post is invitations to reflect on your own sexual pace.
-What happens when you get turned on?
-Do you tend to move fast or slow?
-What do you notice in the way that your partner’s eroticism moves?
-And what would it look like for you to meet together as a team, not to try to pull one person into the other ways of being but understand what it is that you both need and work towards it as a team.
In This Month’s Paid Post
And in this month’s paid post we’re gonna move beyond the theory and actually start exploring some very simple practices that you can use to start aligning your energies.
Whether it be with your partner or with yourself.
Start becoming aligned so that you can set a stable foundation to explore more possibility.
I’ll see you there.